Don’t Knock-Knock the Catechism
by David A. Zimmerman
Why is everyone so afraid of theology? Maybe one reason is that it's so darn wordy. For example, the Roman Catholic catechism runs 756 pages (plus an index) in a 1994 mass market edition. (Get it? “Mass market!” Ha!) Protestants don’t get it any easier—their systematic theologies run several volumes at a pop, and the really good ones are in German.
But is there really any reason to let theology get so complicated? I’ve written my own systematic theology, in fact, as a series of knock-knock jokes. They’re not only formative—they’re hilarious!
The Doctrine of Creation
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Nothing and Nobody.
Nothing and Nobody who?
Nothing and Nobody till I say so.
Who said that?
The Doctrine of God
Behold, I stand at the door and knock-knock.
Who’s there?
I AM WHO I AM.
What? Who?
I WILL BE WHO I WILL BE.
Come again?
OK, OK, Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
The Doctrine of Humanity
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Made.
"Maid"? As in “Let’s hire a maid to clean up this mess"?
No, “Made,” as in “Made in the image of God.”
Oh, right, gotcha.
The Doctrine of Sin
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
ssssssssssssss . . .
Who’s there?
sssssssssssss . . .
Really, who’s there?
Ssssssin is crouching at your door.
Ssssssin is crouching at your door who?
Oh, for the love of God . . .
The Doctrine of Salvation
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
The Light of the World.
The Light of the World who? I don’t understand.
Right, like I didn’t see that coming.
The Doctrine of the Holy Spirit
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Wooooooosh!
Wooooooosh who?
This is the way; walk in it.
What?
The Doctrine of the Church
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
We are.
We are who?
We are the body of Christ.
What? Who are the body of Christ?
The now and not yet.
All right, I'll bite: The now and not yet who?
The now and not yet kingdom of God.
The Doctrine of Last Things
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Jesus.
Finally! Come in!
OK, so it’s not as straightforward as I might have hoped. And perhaps “hilarious” was a little strong. But maybe it’s worth a few laughs. And at least it’s got a good punch line.
Posted by Dave Zimmerman
at November 7, 2003 9:19 AM
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