IVP - Strangely Dim

The Cedar Journals

I spent a week recently at Cedar Campus, a camping facility associated with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. I was serving as staff for “Encountering God,” a study track for college students. I drove there alone, and I drove home alone, but in between I ate, played and bunked with a bunch of people I’d never met. Being a neurotically social person, I found my transition into camp life difficult, and I caught myself journaling quite a lot. The journal is presented here, in chronological installments, for your own amusement.

Monday, May 16, 2005
It’s quiet this morning, which is nice. I’m finding it hard to know how to talk to people here. It’s not so much that people are unwilling to share themselves with one another. It’s more a dilemma of the blank slate.

When you’re unknown, everything you do or say figures into the image of you these new friends are forming in their minds. I know because I do it: I see a woman who wants to be a grownup but still likes to play dress-up. I see a man dominate all his conversations while painting a picture of himself as marginalized. I see a man who would rather be with his wife and kids at any given moment but knows he can’t and feels he shouldn’t be sad about it. I see a man who manages expectations of himself by self-deprecation while simultaneously presuming his superiority over everyone else.

Oh wait, that’s me.

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Coming up Wednesday is the release of Batman Begins, the best film of summer 2005. I'm doing a signing at midnight at a local theater, which should be a wild adventure. My guess is I'll be dressed more normally than anyone else in attendance.

Come join me if you'd like.